Croak!!!!

My voice is croaky, because after a strangely silent and numb couple of months, the narrative stream of consciousness has returned between my ears. I am not sure how other writers find their words, but for me they come from a speaking voice that has always existed in my thoughts and I just write the words as they come along. When I was younger this voice was often at odds with my actual speech voice - I was shy and introverted and often couldn't get my thoughts to converge with the words coming out of my mouth, and so many years people assumed I was borderline autistic unless they happened to be a penpal. I was the master of the passed note in my school days; that's how I made friends.

Anyhow, the past few months have been like the end of V for Vendetta when the fireworks explode the parliament buildings all over town to Beethoven's 5th symphony. It was like a spectacular destruction of my life as I knew it and was comfortable with on many levels - professionally, romantically and domestically. I took solace in knowing that as things came up with me to figure out and work through in my life, the rest of the country and world was going through similar crises and transitions.

A global financial meltdown and new president later, we are piecing together a new plan for the future. I am glad that my soul is coming down from being stunned into shock so many times and my writing voice is returning - the other day I was walking with a dear old friend and found myself fumbling for the pen I had kept handy for that moment, when my thoughts returned.

What makes a human have ability to formulate intellectual ideas above those in a more primal survival mode is being able to clear your mind enough to let those thoughts rise, I suppose. I knew that I was in a transition phase during the past few months, and gripped my mental cap nervously as I assured myself that the silence in my head would pass when I could finally stop freaking out.

So on this Thanksgiving I would like to check in and apologize to this neglected project for my inability to croak out anything positive or good to hear the past few months. I would like to express my thanks to my brain for snapping out of the shock, and my gratitude at being a little older now and having the perspective to know how my creative cycles work - as opposed to dramatically perching on a bridge assuming my soul was dead forever. I have been musing upon cycles in general - as this may be a time of downswing in my life and in my world, there will be a future for which we should focus on positioning ourselves for. Can't wait to see what happens.